Office party etiquette: Expert dos and don'ts to keep in mind at the work Christmas party
You don't have to talk about work at a work party — but there are still a few do's and don'ts
Taking a toilet door off its hinges for laughs, shouting matches about a recent promotion and posting pictures of dirty dancing on social media, are just some of the issues that can arise at work Christmas parties.
“People can act out of character at these parties, especially when alcohol is involved,” says Damien McCarthy from HR Buddy in Killorglin.
“Colleagues can even have disagreements that need to be addressed in the workplace afterwards.”
Caoimhe Bourke is a HR consultant with Bourke Consulting in Cork. In her experience, various factors contribute to people letting loose at their annual staff shindig.
“First, alcohol is usually flowing freely at these events and it’s easy to overindulge,” she says. “Second, people are often more relaxed and social at parties, which can lead to them saying or doing things they wouldn’t do in a professional setting. Finally, the holiday season can be stressful, and people may use the opportunity to let off steam.”
As the threat of covid retreats, many workplaces are once again organising Christmas get-togethers and employees are readying themselves for a return to party mode.
But not everyone is thrilled by the prospect. A 2016 survey of 550 people concluded that 21% looked forward to their Christmas party while 28% dreaded it. Right now, that 28% may be asking themselves just how they can navigate the party pitfalls that lie ahead, without dismantling toilet doors or upsetting colleagues in the process.
One thing they may not realise is that their office party may not be the same as it was pre-pandemic. Sarah Morrissey works with the Davis Events Agency. Instead of the classic Christmas party package, she has been asked to organise interactive experiences like cocktail masterclasses, tie-dyeing workshops, and cookery classes.
“The trend is moving away from the traditional dinner and drinks party,” she says. “Because a lot of companies have switched to hybrid and remote working, colleagues don’t get to see each other as often. The Christmas party gives them a chance to reconnect with each other and to create more of that sense of connection, companies are looking for more memorable experiences.”
Hotels are noticing this change too. At the Dean hotels in Dublin, Cork, and Galway, fewer clients are booking a drinks reception followed by a sit-down dinner. They are opting for more casual canapés, buffets, and dessert stations and booking entertainment such as roaming magicians and karaoke performances to encourage mingling instead.
Sinead Moore is a conference and sales events manager with the Trigon Hotel Troup in Cork. She too reports an increased demand for more casual celebrations. “Last year, companies were still cautious about getting together but this year, people are ready to embrace the party season once again,” she says. “Our traditional packages are still very popular, but we are seeing a trend for less formal gatherings such as drinks served with finger food.”
While the format of the office party may be changing, some things remain the same. We are still expected to chitchat with our colleagues. This may mean enduring stilted conversations or struggling to find something in common with Nervous Nora from accounting or Bragging Ben in the IT department.
For those who struggle with small talk, this could induce a sense of panic. So much panic that we might consider giving the party a miss.
A 2018 survey of 2,800 senior managers at US companies suggests that this would be a mistake. It found that 66% of managers said there was an unwritten rule that employees should attend their Christmas staff party. It reflected poorly on those who didn’t make the effort to celebrate with their team.
Morrissey agrees. “It’s a great idea to go to the party,” she says. “Creating that connection with your colleagues outside of work is important. It’s proven that teams perform better if they know each other on a more casual level. It leads to increased trust, productivity and better communication. It can also create a sense of belonging and community in the workplace while reducing stress and conflict. And who doesn’t want that?”
So how can we make the most of the opportunity offered by the staff party and have fun while emerging with our professional reputations intact?
It’s vital that we stay relatively sober. Getting drunk will only sabotage our efforts to show ourselves in our best light.
“Watch your alcohol intake,” says Bourke. “Know your limits and drink responsibly. “It’s OK to have a few drinks and enjoy yourself but don’t lose control over your behaviour.”
If you have a track record of getting carried away by the lure of free booze, she suggests enlisting the help of a trusted colleague. “Ask them to give you a subtle signal when it’s time to tone things down or go home,” she says.
Morrissey has other tips to help moderate your alcohol intake. “Enjoy the food on offer instead of overdoing it on drink,” she says. “Try to have a non-alcoholic drink between rounds and remember that it’s OK not to drink at all if you don’t want to.”
When chatting with colleagues we don’t know very well, Bourke recommends avoiding the topic of work. “This is a time to relax and socialise with co-workers, not to talk shop,” she says. “If you’re stuck for topics of conversation, start by asking people if they have any plans for the Christmas break or about their interests outside of work.”
She emphasises that you don’t need to be a scintillating conversationalist and that being a good listener is much more important. People appreciate being listened to.
When organising events for clients, Morrissey has seen that having an activity to focus on can be a great way of sparking conversations. “It gives people something to talk about without being too forced,” she says. “Even something as simple as a quiz can create a sense of connection. People who may not know each other at all can very quickly band together to win a tiny plastic trophy.”
Another issue that worries some people is the thought of being trapped in a boring conversation with a colleague. A 2017 study [exa.mn/blink-communication] may help us to extricate ourselves.
We blink approximately 13,500 times a day, far more than is necessary to keep our eyes lubricated. This study asked if some of these blinks might function as subconscious social cues.
Volunteers were asked to converse with virtual reality avatars programmed to listen while using blinks of various durations; some short, others long. Those whose avatars blinked for longer durations spoke less, suggesting they realised the avatar had heard enough. So if you’re bored by a colleague’s conversation at this year’s party, try some long blinks and your colleague may soon wrap things up.
It’s not just employees who should take care when attending their Christmas party. McCarthy reminds employers that they should act responsibly too.
“Workplace events are an extension of the workplace,” he says. “If colleagues work together and use respectful and appropriate professional language and behaviour all year round at work, this applies at parties too. What’s unacceptable at work doesn’t suddenly become acceptable just because colleagues are in a bar or restaurant at Christmas time. Employers should ensure that their employees understand the standard of conduct that is expected at these events.”
He recommends that they do this by reminding them of workplace policies in advance of the party. “The Dignity at Work Policy should cover issues such as bullying, harassment and sexual harassment,” he says. “The social media policy should stipulate that employers don’t post pictures or comments that might adversely affect the company’s reputation or the privacy of their colleagues.”
There are several reasons why employers should take these precautions. “Things that happen at the Christmas party can cause issues in the workplace, potentially damaging working relationships,” says McCarthy. “Employers also have to bear in mind that they have a duty of care in regard to employee health and safety. Also, because they have organised the party, they can be liable for anything that happens at it, such as a toilet door being taken off its hinges or worse.”
With careful preparation and the right mindset, the festive knees-up can be an enjoyable experience for everyone. “Sure, there are potential pitfalls,” says McCarthy. “But we can avoid them and instead use get-togethers like these as a chance to get to know our colleagues better and to have some fun while celebrating getting to the end of another long work year.”
‘Tis the season of the office Christmas party. Our experts have some dos and don’ts to help you use it to your advantage so you have fun with your colleagues without getting too carried away.
go to the party, says McCarthy. “Some might prefer not to go but it reflects well on you if you make the effort.”
overindulge in alcohol, no matter how much you think you might need the Dutch courage.
be polite and respectful to everyone, says Bourke. “This means introducing yourself to people you don’t know very well and socialising outside your core group.”
forget to eat. It will help to counter the effects of the alcohol.
talk about things other than what you talk about every other day of the week. “This is an opportunity to create closer connections and should be a break from the mundane everyday affairs of work,” says McCarthy. “Start by talking about topics like the weather, family and interests and see where things go from there.”
talk shop. “It can come across as boring,” says McCarthy.
remain mindful of your surroundings. Pay attention to who is around you and make sure you’re not doing anything that could offend or embarrass anyone,” says Morrissey. “While you want to be open and friendly with your colleagues, you don’t want to be too casual or unprofessional.”
gossip or complain about your coworkers or boss. You never know who could be listening.
try to look after younger colleagues. “Many of them have been working remotely or on a hybrid basis and this may be their first proper work party,” says McCarthy. “They are likely to be nervous and make mistakes and older colleagues should look out for them.”
post photos or comments that could get you in trouble in the morning.
say thank you. Showing appreciation to the organiser and the boss is an ideal way of introducing yourself and reminding people who you are. It’s all part of creating a good impression.
