Richard Hogan: My four tips for Patrick Kielty on how to be a great Late Late Toy Show host
Richard Hogan . Photograph Moya Nolan
It’s hard to believe that The Late Late Toy Show is only one sleep away. Times arrow seems supercharged, advancing at warp speed. I remember so clearly as a child, thinking on Christmas night; we are further away now than we have ever been from Christmas morning. The next Christmas seemed like an Everest away. An impossible amount of time to traverse.
That’s time. When you want it to slow down, it speeds up and when you want it to speed up it slows down. Ah, Einstein and his bloody relativity! It stalked my childish play, school days an endless droning of time, summer gone in a blink. Though I’m struggling with the speed of time, it’s nearly harder to believe that only three people have been at the helm of The Toy Show since 1975. I have been writing about this perennial favourite in the Hogan house for many years. Putting my cards on the table, I love it. I think it’s a great annual moment where the country stops and comes together to share in the magic of television.
Okay, I hear the critics, ‘It’s only a bit of commercialism, trying to indoctrinate children into buying products’. But I have to say, I don’t believe that. I think it’s a fantastic show, that children and adults share alike. One of those rare moments that allows us to touch into the very essence of being Irish.
It’s hard to explain The Toy Show, to anyone that hasn’t grown up on this beautiful and wet landscape. I’ve been watching those Billy Barry kids for decades. Since old Gaybo hosted, to Kenny arriving on an elephant and Tubridy prancing across our screens. Wherever you stand on the Ryan Tubridy pay debacle, flipflops and barter accounts aside, one thing is for sure, he was the best host of The Toy Show.
His ability to let himself go, and get down with the kids and be at their level, entertained all of us for fourteen years. So, thank you, Ryan. Sure, you couldn’t really sing, but at least you gave it a go! The odd expletive might pop out but he was real. The kids he interviewed loved that.
And so, like my daughter earnestly offering me a seat at the table of her Rainbow Dream House many years ago, I am going to offer Patrick Kielty some tips on how to be a great Toy Show host.
Children have the most sophisticated authenticity detection system. They can spot a phoney instantaneously. So Patrick, be real. Children can spot an adult pretending to like them a mile away. I always find that fascinating working with children and teenagers. They are so intuitive about realness. If you are real, and share the experience with them, listening to them and talking with them, not down to them, they will open up to you. That was Ryan’s real gift. The children loved chatting with him, because he listened and interacted with them on their level, and it made for great viewing. If you stand in front of children and are not real, you are dead in the water. If you are trying to be funny more than trying to be with them, it will be an awkward couple of hours.
Let yourself go. You have to care little about what the critics say and just let yourself go in dance and song. You may not be a singer or a dancer, but neither was your predecessor. The more he goofed around with that, the more the children loved his unabandoned carefree style. So, you have to conjure the spirit of Gene Wilder and just go for it.
The show is more about the kids you’ll interview than the products they will chat about. Half the fun is when the products fail! So don’t worry about that. People tune in for the children and the fun. Don’t lose sight of that fact.
Enjoy it. There have only been three hosts over the last 47 years. Only a very select few have had this experience. The entire country is behind you. Enjoy it, savour every moment, and relax. You are facilitating children having fun. What could be better than that? I know the majority of the country is watching, but they are with you, willing you on.
The Toy Show is an Irish institution. That time of year when children are allowed to stay up late, dream of Santa and gorge themselves on treats. It is a part of our national collective consciousness. We all remember how we felt as children, staying up late to watch Gay Byrne battle with the latest gadget. That seems like a world away now, a world devoid of technology and smartphones. But, even in this complicated world, we need moments like The Toy Show as families. To come together and be still for a moment. These are memories our children will cherish, like we do.
Only one sleep. You got this Patrick!
