Michael Moynihan: Time to clear the air — we need to axe these ridiculous robot trees

The robot trees haven’t worked out.

Last week the environment, water, and amenity strategic policy committee (SPC) of Cork City Council received a report about our metal maples.

To be kind, the report was inconclusive about any benefits in terms of air quality which our bionic beeches may have delivered since being installed two years ago.

That’s not good enough. As Dr Eoin Lettice told Eoin English of this parish, either these devices improve air quality or they don’t. That’s a matter of measurement and science, not a matter of opinion: God knows the rise of the New Ignorance means people ‘doing their own research’ have been muddying the waters about almost everything, but it’s fairly cut and dried with these robots.

If we can’t even be clear they’ve done their job that proves they shouldn’t be there.

Second: they’re a waste of money. That’s beyond question.

The android ash plants cost €404,000 to install in the first place and almost €18,000 per year to run. The recent report, which UCC carried out, cost another €2,500.

I’ll let someone else calculate how many real trees that would have bought. Anyone regarding that as a cheap shot may be right, but that’s what happens when you approach half a million euro in wasted expenditure.

Expensive mistakes leave you open to cheap shots.

Last week the council said it wanted to find a research partner to do additional research pending any possible relocation decision. That means more costs, and all to establish something we all know. They’re a waste of money.

Street clutter

Three: they’re ridiculous. Walking around town shows these enormous lumps contribute nothing to the streetscape. If anything they contribute to the deterioration of the streetscape.

Granted, walking around Cork city centre means seeing a staggering amount of distracting clutter on the streets anyway: wayward signs and superfluous traffic directions, and innumerable nameplates.

But the cybernetic firs are in a league of their own — bulky, ugly blocks that offer a contrast with the real trees nearby. People have pointed out that at least you can sit on them and take a rest if you’re walking around the city.

You know what else you can sit on? Benches, which don’t cost over €400,000 to install.

Four: they’re in the wrong place.

By that, I’m not encouraging anyone to answer ‘yes, if by wrong place you mean Cork.’ If these machines are measuring air quality, why are they doing so in a part of Cork that 99% of citizens pass through on their way to somewhere else?

Five: other jurisdictions are already junking their robot trees.

The Waltham Forest Echo reported last September that in the London suburb of Leystonstone two “permanent” urban greening installations that use moss plants to absorb air pollution are being removed by the council because the moss has died ... The ‘CityTrees’ were designed by German startup Green City Solutions ... Clyde Loakes, deputy leader and cabinet member for climate and air quality, said the council will “shortly be removing both City Trees” to its depot after experiencing “ongoing irrigation and planting maintenance challenges”.”

Common sense prevailing, by the sounds of it. Which leads me neatly to my next observation.

An expensive mistake

Six: it seems strange that Cork City Council won’t simply admit this was a mistake and move on.

There’s no shame in trying an alternative approach, even if it doesn’t work out. The shame lies in persisting when you know it’s wrong.

Green Party councillor Oliver Moran summed this up last week: “I don't think we should have any regrets in trying the moss walls. The enormous environmental challenges ahead of us will require innovation and from time-to-time that will involve taking risks on new ideas.

“If the moss walls don't do much for air quality, they've done lots for encouraging debate on air quality ... (but) I think we should now call time on them.”

Fair enough, the council is being criticised for the robot trees, and even if they were dumped today then that criticism might increase in volume.

But only in the short term, and at least those monstrosities would be gone. As Oliver Moran said, there’s no shame in trying to do something different.

Digging in the heels now, though, smacks of wilful stubbornness. Cut your losses, take some short-term criticism on the decision — and move on.

Projection of costs

Seven: the council has taken criticism on other aspects of the robot trees already. Eighteen months ago the Local Government Audit Service was critical of Cork City Council regarding a lack of advance planning on the cost of the trees.

The Irish Examiner of May 15 2022 stated: “The council was similarly criticised for the lack of any value of money assessment conducted in advance over the expenditure of €404,000 in October 2020 on five robot trees which were installed as part of the council’s strategy to tackle air pollution in Cork.”

In that same edition of this paper, we learned a couple of other interesting facts: “The council said a procurement competition was not held for the acquisition of the 'city trees' as they represented a new technology and a unique product provided by a sole supplier ... it had not been possible to complete a full, traditional value for money assessment prior to deploying the 'city trees' given the constraints of piloting new technology.”

Point one: this seems a dubious precedent to establish, to set aside any competition for a service or product simply on the basis that it’s new.

Point two: pleading an inability to project costs into the future because of ‘new technology’ would give any auditor a migraine. Does it mean that any new tech automatically gets a blank cheque when it’s introduced?

Eight: although defenders of the trees are few and far between — and notably quiet — the point has been made that funds for the android oaks did not come from Cork City Council coffers, but rather from the National Transport Authority.

This is a fair point to make. As is the accompanying point: what if that funding had been spent on a project that actually benefited people?

Nine, and last: this ongoing nonsense is doing Cork no good at all in terms of reputation. Becoming known as the place grimly sustaining its robot trees for no good reason is not quite the cutting-edge image that serves any city well.

If there were left-of-centre plans to incorporate the fake firs into some kind of dystopian walking tour (“This, then, is where the machines began to rise against their human overlords”) then that would indicate some kind of strategy.

Perhaps that’s the best explanation. That Cork City Council are mindful of the approaching singularity and is caring for the robot trees so that we can all declare, with a straight face, when bloodthirsty androids start marching in the Western Road: “I for one welcome our new mechanical overlords.”

And mean it.