Dear Dáithí: The thought of Christmas at my in-laws' depresses me

That's why we moved home, we wanted to raise our daughter in Ireland. The plan is eventually to build a house in Cork, we both work remotely so it's more so I can be close to my parents and brothers and sister — all of them live near enough to each other in north Cork.

The problem I'm writing to you about came up when we started talking about Christmas. It's my husband and myself's first Christmas home in Ireland for four years, and it's the first as a family. It's our daughter's first Irish Christmas, I think this is a really big deal and I want to spend it at home in Cork, with all her cousins. Her nanny and granddad are so excited as well for her to wake up in their house on Christmas morning to see what Santy brings her.

My husband says since we're going to be living in Cork eventually there will be plenty of time for her to do that and we should go to Dublin this year to stay with his family. The thought of it depresses me. There isn't really room for us all and his family aren't the most traditional. There won't be other kids for our daughter to play with either.

This is really upsetting me. He doesn't even care about Christmas, but he knows it's a huge deal for me and my family — we get matching PJs and everything! Should I insist — or maybe even suggest he goes to Dublin, and myself and my daughter go to Cork and we can meet up again St Stephen's Day?

I really do love hearing about Irish people who met abroad and came home to settle down with a family — the reason being that this is my family story. Both my parents left Kerry in the early 60s and being from two different parts they didn’t know each other beforehand. They met and fell in love and moved home in 1969 to my father’s homeplace with two small children. My mother moved to the Gaeltacht and didn’t speak the lingo. Tough woman!

I’ve never been to Vancouver, and I believe it’s a beautiful place. A big change from Dublin, Cork and now Waterford where you are renting — and with plans to build in your native Cork the excitement levels must be through the roof, once you get over this Christmas anyway!

I always loved Christmas, but I never really understood the real meaning until Ógie came along. Like most, I thought it was a time to be out on the lash, buy a few presents, and go out on the lash some more. Looking back now I did have a good time but being home with your partner/husband/wife and children at this time of year is the best feeling ever.

This is even more special this year as it's your daughter's first Christmas in Ireland and there will only be one of those and with that the family’s first. What an exciting time. I can only imagine how excited your parents are with this and with Santy coming to the house again... nothing will be spared.

Let’s not decorate the Christmas tree yet though: this is your husband's first at home in four years too and that means a lot to him. He does have a point that ye are going to be living in Cork forever — and going to Dublin for Christmas might be a small consolation prize. You do have concerns about the place being too small and his family being less traditional. High up or low down, you don’t want this and it will mean so much to you to be with your own family for Christmas.

You say he doesn’t care, and you are probably right for the most part. Even though he mightn’t say he loves it, he probably does like it and just never felt it necessary to say it out loud, I’d be like that.

The good news is that you spoke up in time. I know loads of people who don’t say a word and then just as everyone is sitting down for the turkey it kicks off. I feel a lot of Christmas day dilemmas coming down the track. For such a lovely day it does cause problems for some.

I’ve a deal with my wife Rita. As long as Santy is still coming to the house, I want to have Christmas in Ireland in our home. And even though I think she would love to go to New Jersey for Christmas, having Santy coming to our home is something special and we all get why. I’d say after Santy does his final flyby it's us that will be flying westward from then on and I’m good with that.

To see what Santy has brought is the best feeling in the world. I thought when Santy came to me was great... him bringing presents for my son is out of this world!

I think when your husband sees the happiness Santy has brought and seeing you with all your family in this light, he’ll know that he made the right decision about spending Christmas in Cork. So, yes I think for the greater good you all should spend Christmas in Cork. This shouldn’t be taken as a win for you, it’s more to avoid a lose-lose situation.

The last part of your question kinda upset me, when you asked if ye should be in different places for the few days and meet up on Stephens’s Day. If I thought I’d be away from my gang for Christmas day I’d go cracked! I’d find even the suggestion of it hard to take, so please don’t even mention that one. You’ll floor him. I think being away like this for such a special day could cause an unnecessary divide down the road. Christmas is about being together.

I think the way to approach it is to explain how you feel. Sometimes we expect our partner to know how we really feel about things. They don’t and then we get frustrated — that’s a natural reaction. Explain to him what it means to you. Also, and I think this is important, tell him about all the pints and nights out he’s going to have. A lot of men like that I’m told!

Get up the yard with you…