Sex File: I gained weight and feel undesirable but my husband finds me hotter than ever
You have a husband who loves you for who you are, not what size your pants are, so cut yourself some slack and focus on having fun and getting fit. Picture: iStock
It sounds as if you have had a tough time recently. You don't say how you injured yourself, but it must have been pretty serious to create the level of immobility that would lead to significant weight gain. Recovery can leave you feeling frustrated and, at times, vulnerable, but your husband has obviously been supportive and I can't help wondering whether it might be the psychological rather than the physical change that he is responding to.
When you love someone, their pain is your pain. When they are hurt, you feel flooded with a desire to protect them and to help them to feel better in any way that you can. I'm sure your husband is aware that you are unhappy with the way your body has changed and, as someone who loves and cares for you, it makes sense that he would celebrate you and your body, whatever size it is.
If you were previously a strong and fit woman, your husband may also have enjoyed the fact that you were forced to rely on him a bit more after the injury. People like to be needed. Your physical softness may have echoed an emotional softness, and that might have triggered something for him.
The way you are is obviously at odds with how you see yourself, but we are not terribly good at judging how others see us. In 2020 Xue Lei and David Perrett, of the School of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of St Andrews, conducted a study that explored "misperceptions of opposite-sex preferences for thinness and muscularity". Using 3D images of bodies that were adjusted to represent increases in body fat and muscularity, participants were asked to choose the body shape that they thought the opposite sex would most like for a short-term partner and a long-term partner. The study found that women misperceive and exaggerate the level of thinness that they think men prefer, and men over emphasise the heaviness and muscularity of bodies that they think women prefer.
You should enjoy this time as much as you can because as you heal and your life returns to normal, increased activity will automatically lead to gradual weight loss. Enjoy the sexual attention - why not lean in to the positives and forget about the weight for now?
It might sound mad but try spending more time with no clothes on. It can really help to silence your inner critic. Once you get over the initial unease, being naked in the privacy of your own home is extremely liberating. So is looking at yourself naked in the mirror. We very rarely spend time examining our bodies, but it helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
You have a husband who loves you for who you are, not what size your pants are, so cut yourself some slack and focus on having fun and getting fit. You'll be a lot happier and the benefits will last you a lifetime.
