Sex File: He wants me to start talking dirty but I'm not keen
I suspect your husband is simply trying to increase the erotic intensity between you by encouraging you to be a little more vocal about your desires
Most people who have been married for 20 years don't suddenly develop a novel interest in explicit chat during sexual activity, so it is a big ask to expect you to do something that has never been a part of your sexual repertoire and which requires performative skills that you don't feel you possess.
Dirty talk requires confidence and experience, and in their absence it is destined to sound embarrassingly unconvincing. Anything that makes you feel self-conscious during sex detracts from the experience because your brain can't simultaneously process feelings of self-awareness and sensations of sexual pleasure.
Having said that, I don't think you should assume that your husband is expecting you to deliver an X-rated running commentary. When it comes to talking dirty, anything too explicit can actually have the opposite effect. A 2020 survey of 990 people, which was carried out by Superdrug Online Doctor, found one in five people had called a halt to sex midway because they were turned off by dirty talk. I suspect your husband is simply trying to increase the erotic intensity between you by encouraging you to be a little more vocal about your desires, so the first thing you need to do is establish exactly what he means, and get him to give you some idea of what he wants to hear.
You may find that putting it back on him in that way makes him realise what a difficult thing he has asked you to do and, of course, you can simply say no if you're not comfortable with any of his suggestions. However, you may also find that just talking about how you are feeling and what you are doing is enough to spice things up for you both. Focusing on real-time sensation, or emotion, is much easier, and often more erotic, than trying to invent a porn-star script that doesn't feel authentic. Keeping it intimate and whispering in his ear can also be a lot sexier and less awkward than speaking out loud. He will also feel and hear you breathing, which can be very erotic.
As your confidence grows, you could try reading each other erotic bedtime stories, which are much less obvious and 'in your face' than porn. Finding good books can be difficult and it is still hard to beat the classics. by Pauline Reage (1954) or by Anais Nin (1977) have been turning people on for many years. 27 erotic short stories by 27 acclaimed but anonymous writers, edited by Hillary Jordan and Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan (2022), is a more recent addition that's worth keeping on the bedside table.
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