Dear Dáithí: My partner only wants to have one child, I want more. What should I do? 

My problem is, we were at a family gathering recently and the gang were talking about siblings (my partner is from a large family, and they were messing with him, saying he'd want to get a move on to make sure our baby will have plenty of brothers and sisters to play with) and his response was very shocking to me. 

He said we planned to have just one child. I asked him about it in the car on the way home and he said there were lots of reasons to only have one child, and he thought I felt the same. 

He said things about the environment and finances and the size of the house, but ultimately, I think it's because he is scared to go through the whole process of trying to get pregnant again. 

I have two sisters I'm extremely close to and I'd hate my child to miss out on the experience of siblings. I also think only children can be spoilt and I'm worried our child will not be able to manage the rough and tumble of real life. 

We are planning to get married in two years' time. I love him very much, we are a great fit, I know he will be a fantastic father, but I'm rocked to my core that we have such different views on such an important part of our lives. 

My mum says he will come around and change his mind once the baby comes. What should I do?

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First of all, congratulations. I remember when we first got the news we had one on the way. That day was only topped by the day our boy landed! 

I can only imagine the excitement, especially after the long road ye have been on, but the important thing is that part of the journey is behind you and now it’s time to look forward and keep motoring.

I see your problem and it’s a very interesting one, but I think if it’s managed in the right way, and everyone is open and honest it is only a small bump in the road. 

Family and large families can be tricky places where everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks that their one is more important than the next and yours. Let me be very clear, you and your partner's opinions are the most important, and once both of you know this you have won. 

Now the sooner ye both talk about this the better and when the baby arrives it will be ye three and both of you in charge. Daunting you might say, I’d say exciting.

It might be that your partner might have been backed into a corner when chatting to his gang about this and it might have been a knee-jerk reaction? 

A question he might not have been really ready for? We have all been there. But he did have an answer for you when you asked him after, so he had thought about it.

Now he did say "we" planned, which is strange because it's clear there was no ‘we’ chat about this. I don’t buy into his reasons for only having one child. Finances and environment, come on lad, unless you’re related to Greta Thunberg or something! 

Yes, he might be afraid of another similar journey, or he might have found it hard to see how hard it was on you and wasn’t able to express himself properly to you. 

If I was in his situation, I think I’d feel like that. It's very difficult to see someone you love go through a hard time. All you want to do is take that pain away from them and as we all know life doesn’t work like that. I wish it did.

I know you also have concerns about having only one child and because you have sisters and are very close to them that you feel an only child would be missing out and might be spoiled. We have an only child, and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart he is missing out on nothing. 

He has a great group of friends in school and in the clubs he plays with. Yes, I was concerned at first but when you see the child mixing and messing around with others it would rise your heart.

Being spoiled is another story and that is up to you and your partner. Yes, everyone will want to be buying him stuff. You need to put the foot down, especially with family. People will tell you that this will be hard. It's not. Be firm and direct and let them know who’s in charge. 

I remember telling my crowd to give him €20 for Christmas and that was it. No presents. I kept most of the money myself and had a great time with it, if I’m being honest.

You mentioned three things that really stand out to me. You love him so much, ye are a great fit and he’d be a fantastic father. Like a three-legged stool and we all know how sturdy one of them are, very hard to knock one over. 

Personally, if you think he’ll be a great father I’d marry him myself. That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received when it was said to me.

But as you say you are rocked to the core about this, which is tough, but because ye are a great fit and because you love him so much ye are just going to have to talk this one out. 

Talk and time will be great help and if you both go into this with an open mind and no avenue closed. The clouds will separate and the sun will shine through.

To finish, sometimes people get bogged down with what happened before and worry too much about the future. For me, ye have a baby on the way very soon and I’m sure you’ve heard it all from people -  that "you’ll never sleep a night again" or "the house will be full of dirty nappies". 

Don’t mind them, they are all wrong. The second you will clap eyes on your baby and every time you look into the cot and see these beautiful eyes and smile looking back at you, you won’t think of anything else. 

Actually, nothing else in the world will matter. It’s the best feeling in the world. 

The day I first set eyes on our Ógie was the best day of my life. You have all that ahead of you. I’m jealous! 

And by the way, it only gets better with every year.