Colman Noctor: We need to compete with online world by creating offline alternatives 

Our children have migrated online, where they primarily interact, socialise and communicate. Most now connect through social media platforms like Snapchat. Like it or not, this is where they  ‘hang out’.  

I would hazard a guess that most of what they discuss is relatively harmless and is likely to involve sharing pictures of each other with the addition of some entertaining filters like rabbit ears or distorted images to make them look silly. 

However, there are other instances where these adult-free digital spaces can become a breeding ground for exclusion, bullying and grooming.

I’ve been contacted by many parents who want to hold off on allowing online access but fear that insisting on this will mean their child will be isolated from their peers.  

Children repeatedly tell me that most of their conversations occur on social media platforms and even their offline discussions are dominated by incidents or aspects that happen in the online world. This leaves the non-tech child disconnected and feeling left out, which can be deeply distressing.

The fact that so many young children are online means we must consider the social ‘cost’ of prohibiting children's access to these platforms. 

Covid communication

The pandemic is partly to blame. But it is not the only reason. We spent years telling children to ‘get off their screens and go outside’, but in 2020, we did a U-turn and told them to ‘come inside and go on their screens. 

This meant they relied on technology to stay in contact with their peers. Even though this is no longer required it is a habit that hasn’t been broken. This is  similar to the social distancing guidelines introduced during the pandemic.  

Although no longer required, many people still leave a metre gap between themselves and the next person when in a queue as a force of habit or a personal preference.

Young people were required to migrate online to access Zoom classes and attend appointments and unfortunately many have chosen to stay there even though they are no longer required to.  

Children who are now 10 and 11 were instructed to communicate online via apps like Seesaw and Microsoft Teams. 

It’s no surprise that this became part of their educational and social learning process , which they have struggled to let go of.  

The growing fear surrounding children’s safety means that parents feel less anxious if their child is in their room instead of down the town or sitting on a green with their friends. 

They are being fooled by the illusion that proximity is safety. But even though their child is physically safe, they are connected to an unlimited portal to the outside world.

Furthermore, an increasing number of adults who opt to work from home as opposed to going into the office may be promoting the convenience of online communication over the importance of face-to-face informal social interaction. 

Children online from early age

Almost all extracurricular activities are adult-led and adult-run. This means that children’s activities are overly formal and the space for fun and downtime is increasingly short in supply. It is no wonder they are online.

We have to hold a mirror up and ask ourselves if we are inadvertently ‘driving young people online’. By restricting their opportunity to mix offline, what other choices do they have? 

With more and more children migrating to the online space at a younger age, there will be fewer opportunities for them to experience offline interaction and it may become less attractive to them as an option. 

We underestimate the developmental cost of depriving children of enough face-to-face social interaction. 

A summary of the research findings in recent years strongly suggests that developing interpersonal skills through face-to-face interaction improves skills like conflict resolution, intimacy, prosocial behaviours, self-control and behaviour regulation, social confidence and empathy.

Neuroscientists Hawkley and Cacioppo found that high-quality peer relationships appear to protect against mental health problems and strengthen adolescent resilience and suggest that prolonged reduction of face-to-face social contact with peers can have a substantial effect on brain development during adolescence.

Informal hang-out spaces needed

Technology-mediated communication shows no sign of abating.  Emerging online environments like the metaverse world will provide users with opportunities where avatars will interact on their behalf while they control them from their bedrooms. 

It is easy for adults to dismiss environments like the metaverse because avatars are not a feature of our reality, but primary school children are already adept at avatar communication such as Fortnite, which means by the time they are adults it will be second nature for them to interact in that way. The metaverse is not built for us — it's for the next generation.   

We must compete with the online platform through meaningful and rich social interactions to tackle the smartphone ownership dilemma. Young people are migrating there because there is nowhere else to be and we need to invest in providing them with offline alternatives.

It is crucial for children and young people to have physical spaces where they can meet and interact. While many children attend extracurricular activities like sports, these environments provide a surprisingly small amount of free play or free time. 

With an increasingly competitive culture creeping into these spaces, the allocated time slots are often crammed with drills and lines that actively discourage chatting and interacting.

Young people want to meet their friends and have fun. This is not new — it’s built into their DNA.

Instead of instituting bans or concentrating on introducing media literacy programmes in primary schools, we need to provide them with alternative places to meet offline. 

Rather than restricting young people's access to the online world, there is a case for enticing them into the offline one by offering informal spaces where they can simply be together and play.  

• Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist