'I took back control... I'm not afraid' — Abuse survivor visited her father to forgive him

The case made international headlines when the late Justice Paul Carney sentenced O’Brien to 12 years in prison, suspended the final nine years, and granted him bail pending an appeal.

While the judge said it was “one of the worst” rape cases to ever come before him, he didn’t jail O’Brien because of his age (74) and ailing health.

However, following a public outcry, bail was revoked a few days later, and Justice Carney expressed his “profound regret” to Fiona Doyle.

The Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) later appealed the sentencing, and Mr Justice Ryan agreed with the 12 years, but suspended three instead of the nine years that was ordered in the original judgement.

Afterwards, Ms Doyle described her father as “a monster” who got what he “deserves” and she went on to write a bestselling book, Too Many Tears.

However, she has since undergone intense therapy and repaired many “broken relationships”.

In February this year she also visited her dying father to make peace with him.

“I got very sick last year and nearly died,” Ms Doyle told the Irish Examiner. “My bowel burst, and I got sepsis and there were many complications.

“I was in hospital from June to November. I thought I was going to die.

“My sister came to see me, and we had not been talking. That was the start of the family reunion and a bigger understanding of myself. We booked into a hotel after I got well and decided to have it all put out on the table.

“After we talked, it was the first time it dawned on me that my siblings, who were not raped or abused by our father, were affected by the case. We talked a lot of things out and began to see things from each other’s perspective.

“The effects of me speaking out had affected everyone and there was intergenerational trauma and alienation. I kinda saw them as selfish, but I do understand now where they are coming from.

“We all decided the blame should be left at our father’s door and it wasn’t ours anymore.

“We got through it and I decided I’m going to go and see my father who is now receiving palliative care in a nursing home”.

Pat O’Brien, who is now 82, is on oxygen and end-of-life care, was shocked at first to see Fiona, she says.

“The look on his face, when I just turned up to confront him,” she said.

“I said: ‘Hi dad, I’m not here to row I’m here to talk’. So he relaxed a little. I know what I need and that is go to his funeral, and I need an end to this and so I had to go back and make that clear.

“He sensed the difference in my approach and my tone. He’s on a lot of oxygen now, it’s end-of-life care.

“He did say, ‘I’m very sorry for what I did, and you have every right to feel the way you feel’.

"But what I found was that it was me taking back power and control and showing him that I am not afraid.

“I said: ‘I heard you are not well, and you don’t get visitors and I want you to know that, if something happens to you, I will be here and sit with you if needed.’

“He was thankful for that”.

Ms Doyle learned that her father receives very few visitors, and she found the experience “sad”.

“He doesn’t really have anyone,” she continued. “It’s a pathetic sight. He had all that power over me and could do what he liked. Two others were also abusing me, and this just went on for years.

“And then to see him there, having someone else in hospital wash, clean, and feed him. That’s what his life has come to.”

During her case at the Dublin criminal courts, Fiona said her father had been sexually abusing her for as long as she could remember.

The assaults took place at their family home in Dún Laoghaire, south Dublin, from 1973 to 1982 when Fiona was a child.

Mother died before charges were brought 

At 13, she tested positive for a sexually-transmitted disease because of her father. She later made two serious attempts to end her own life.

Her mother, Breda O’Brien blamed her for ‘leading her father on’.

The gardaí were preparing to charge Mrs O’Brien for not protecting her daughter when she passed away.

An uncle who raped Ms Doyle has also since died. 

And, after her father’s conviction, Ms Doyle reported his friend for raping her also. However, the man also died suddenly after he was questioned by gardaí.

Speaking about forgiving her father, Ms Doyle said she knows that it could be hard for people to understand.

“This might be shocking to hear” she said, “but family-related abuse is extremely common in Ireland.

“What makes my abuse different is I don’t have to think like this in regard to my uncle or my father’s friend who were also abusing me.

“I don’t have to forgive them. This is my father. I put a lot of thought into it and, when you come to a near-death experience in your own life, things change.

“I was with my father for around an hour and talked about his health and we talked about what he misses in his life. He has lost a lot of contact.

“I did tell him I’d ring him, and I’d come back and visit again.”

Fiona is now working on a second book with retired detective Alan Bailey, who told the Irish Examiner: “It is her attempts trying to get her mother held accountable — and she died just as the DPP were reviewing the case.

“It’s a strong follow-up to her first book and there is a lot to learn about intergenerational trauma,” he said.

• If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.